22 February 2025

Miss Burren, County Clare

Is Frankie Lane singing about the UNESCO Geopark or about me?  For here I am, once again, roaming my fave landscape on this fair island.  I love all the limestone, glaciated into slabs during the last Ice Age.  I love the erratics everywhere.  I love the unceasing wind of it all.  And I love that I can spend a day jumping from one pavement to another, from upland to coast, and never see another human.  I've tattooed one of its wildflowers on my left wrist.  I relax in its beaufort-embouchure hum.  And this week I found some fossils!, which I am proud to say I did not chisel off to save for B.  (But TBH only because the rock was, it turns out, less breakable than I was.)









15 February 2025

Irish Time

 

Okay, so I suggested last week that maybe I was not cut out for this whole retreat thing, that I didn’t really need to run away from distraction in order to be productive.  But I must admit that I’ve managed to get some real writing done while I’ve been isolating out in this little cottage by the sea—most urgently, a big lecture on Donne that I’m scheduled to deliver in early March and an accompanying powerpoint that makes reference to Doechii, Taylor Swift, and Kendrick Lamar. Never let it be said that my lectures don’t keep the kids in mind!

I’m also relishing this opportunity to settle again into slow life in rural Ireland, returning to the rhythms of my time here when I was younger.  I love stopping for a chat along the road with some auld farmer whose Kerry accent is harder to parse than his Gaelic, and having that chat turn into half a morning of substantive dialogue about poetry.  I love being out on my nightly run in the rain and having someone holler at me from her doorstep to stop in for just a wee cup of tea to warm me—and leaving 2 hours later bearing an unexpected bounty: a reflective vest, 2 CDs of my host’s sean-nรณs singing, and a new friend.  I love having Radio na Gaelige playing all day long when I’m at home in the cottage, trying to recover the Irish I used to speak functionally.  (For the record, I am failing at fluency, though I can pick out 100 words or so, and counting.)  I love the slow attentiveness of building a peat fire, and then, once it finally heats to red, the long enjoyment of it into the small hours.  And I love finding new trails every day alongside a different cliff... 

among a new color-scheme of sheep... 

to another collapsed abbey...

or up a previously unexplored spongy sliabh to its gorse-covered blackrock top. 

When I lived here in the 90s, I used to refer to the pace of life here as Irish Time.  You make plans to meet up at the pub at 8?  Don’t for a minute imagine that your friend will show before 830, at the earliest.  You want to go to the chemist when it opens at 11?  Better aim for 1230 to be on the safe side.  The shop with posted open hours of 12-5 Thursday through Sunday isn’t.  The bus that is supposed to come every hour might or it mightn’t.  For someone who was, even as a younger person (perhaps especially as a younger person) a driven, clock-slaving American, the adjustment came with some little irritation.  But as I got used to it, I found myself generally happier.  I became, finally, able to stroll along a beach at low tide without thinking that there was something important I was meant to be doing; the beach-stroll was the important thing.  Again, I’m feeling gratitude for this strange travel year, for the gift of its unhurried unfolding.  I’m hoping I’ll be better in my maturity than I was as a hungry and ambitious youth at keeping my soul’s clock set on Irish Time when I move on to the next adventure.




08 February 2025

Work

I’m spending the next couple of weeks at an artists’ residency in the West of Ireland.  My little cottage sits right on the coast, at the top of a black cliff with the blue Atlantic churning far below.  It’s postcard-scenic here, and quiet—the place has, as a matter of principle, no wifi or television, the idea being that the artists who come to spend some time will flourish into productivity without the workaday distractions of the modern world. 

Which brings me to my work habits.  I think I have them—that is, I think I generally get shit done, cheerfully and in a timely fashion.  I’ve heard friends talk about their gloriously productive stints at one writing retreat or another, and I always think to myself (secretly, inwardly), Surely you can get the work done at home just as easily? I’ve managed to be a fairly productive writer across genres while managing a house, raising kids, and caring for family.  In fact, I actually think I am more productive for those “distractions,” because instead of feeling like I’m clocking in when I sit at the computer it feels like a breather from the other stuff and a welcome chance to sit with my brain for a few minutes.  I realize that I’m pretty privileged in this regard; especially now, with no one at home full-time but myself, pretty much all my days as a widowed empty nester look like a writing retreat.

So I find myself here in this unwired refuge which is a kind of island on the western edge of another island on the other side of the world from my own bed, and I have to say that I’m finding it fairly difficult to work.  My plan is to finish revising my most recent manuscript while I’m in residence here, but that task is proving strangely uncompelling when it’s the only thing in my day. 

     (Not surprisingly, I'm just going outside a lot, being apparently constitutionally incapable of just sitting at a desk and getting work done.)

I think I just don’t work this way: don’t need silence and isolation to make progress on writing; and besides, silence and isolation is kinda my default condition these days.  So it seems a little gratuitous, and I confess maybe even a little pointless, to treat this stretch of days as set aside for formal writing labor.  I need to be outside—walking, running, hiking, generally being stimulated by the world—in order to think better, and while I can certainly find all kinds of places to walk/hike hereabouts, I’m finally not sure that I’m the target demographic for the writers’ retreat. 

*****

On a slightly different topic:  when I was here in the early 90s, it’s fair to say that much of Ireland was…slow to modernize.  I stayed in some houses that were definitely closer to the third world than the first, with outdoor plumbing and the fireplace as the only heating source. (One of those houses is about 25 miles from where I currently sit, as the crow flies.) Most of Ireland has been so radically transformed by its charging Celtic Tiger Eurozone economy that I hardly recognize it, but the area where this artists’ colony sits represents a bit of a throwback to those earlier times.  I may not be grinding out pages while I’m in residence, but as I type these words, I am laboring—to keep the fire piled with peat because the cottage doesn’t have any other heat and the nights get cold.  To get the dishes washed quickly in the water from the teakettle, because while there is indoor plumbing I wouldn’t say that it’s reliable or that hot water is a given.  To plan my shopping with maximal efficiency and minimal weight, because the nearest town is some miles away.  And while I can take advantage of nationwide 5G on my phone (instead of walking 2 miles to a phone booth every few days to call my parents, as I did in the early 90s), my laptop won’t be cruising the internet superhighway anytime soon.  I’m not especially precious about my accommodations (I’ve pooped in more than my share of holes, desert depressions, and open fields); and again, I appreciate the concept of flourishing without distraction.  I guess I’m just wishing that I were the kind of artist who really would get all the benefit of such a situation, rather than feeling like I’m substituting one kind of work for another.

It is stupid beautiful here, though, and if I don’t write a single word at least I have views like this to console me.


01 February 2025

Traveling alone

After some weeks of being among beloved humans, I'm shifting back to solo mode, at least for a while.  And while I'll definitely miss the company of humans (especially the humans I'm lucky enough to know), I'm also not sorry to sing, with Whitesnake, "Here I go again on my ooown" [linking for hair, obv].  Don't get me wrong:  I'm not an antisocial jerk.  I love being with people!  I love talking into the night, and lingering over hot chocolates at Knoops*, and tucking into a fabulous meal together, and exploring the fens, and unpacking a play we've just seen together, and learning from my friends' local wisdom. 


(Kings College, Cambridge: freaking iconic as ever)

But I'm also very happy to be alone.  I generally don't get lonely when I'm traveling solo (any more than I get lonely at home):  there's so much to see and do, and my mind is filled with the cool things that I'm experiencing, so it doesn't feel isolating at all.  Solo travel has the added benefit of having only myself to worry about when things go pear-shaped.  Back when B and I were traveling in Turkey together, we had a lost luggage situation that kept us in an airport for several hours.  Although B is a full-grown man, I worried the whole time about him:  did he need water? food? was he getting tired?  He mocked me about my fussing, as he should have.  When a couple of months later I was stuck overnight in the New Delhi airport, I shrugged, put on my eye mask and stuck earplugs in my ears, and went to sleep on a bench.  No big deal.  Now I know that I'd have been fretting if my tiny little six-foot-tall baby had been there in that airport with me, even though he's extremely chill and totally nonstressing to travel with.  But being on my own, I hardly registered the whole disruption as a hiccup.  


(Speaking of B, here's a muntjac from Wicken Fen in his honor. A muntjac!--
brought to England during its imperialism era)

Beyond my response to disruption, I have to say that my response to adventure is also a little freer when I'm solo.  I can eat and sleep when I wish, and can pass my days doing only what I am interested in doing, without regard for someone else's tastes or hangry-ness or schedule.  If I'm in the mood to eat an apple and peanuts for dinner (as I did tonight), then I eat precisely that, without thinking about someone else's blood sugar levels.  If I want to spend 8 hours wandering around the streets of Cork with no aim at all and hitting no tourist destinations (as I did today), then I can do so without any consideration of someone else's stamina.  

And such instances of solo decision-making, which have certainly presented themselves here in the placid byways of the British Isles, are fairly minor next to my recent freedom to take off spontaneously on a multiday hike in some Central Asian country, where I was responsible not even a little for someone else's gear or food or layers of warm clothing.  I guess what I'm saying is that solo travel is nimble, and I'm happy for it. 


(Fin Barre's Cathedral, Cork [back in Ireland again, woot!]--which I visited in late afternoon and then returned to for Evensong. Why? Because I love hanging out in churches and I also love choral singing, and because there's no one here with me to countervail my whims.)

* Yes, sure, do ask me about my absolute obsession with Knoops hot chocolateria.  Why do we not have them in the USA?